I’m humbled to share my new single, “Holy Now,” with you. This song was born from my most life-changing experience: the first moment I held my child, Luka. Nothing could’ve prepared me for that moment of birth.
It was brutal, devastating, ravaging, and so primally battled my jaded, wonting soul. But then in a moment, there he was, on my breast - and it revolutionized my life.
Fuck everything I thought I knew. Before that moment, I thought I knew so much. I was utterly convinced—especially about what becoming a Mother would be. I was so certain, so paranoid, that it would destroy:
my career,
my creativity,
my sexuality,
my body,
my energy,
my time,
my freedom,
and ME.
I can tell you with absolute conviction that becoming a Mother destroyed ME.
And Thank the Gods, the Universe, the Fey, Any and All the Entities that receive accolades and prayers from the humanverse.
That old version of me needed a complete and utter deconstruction. And in the aftermath of giving birth, I found something I had lost: the child part of my self, locked away behind an unbreachable wall of armor. Those impenetrable walls had kept her safe, but they were also keeping me from joy and freedom.
Humbling me with a profound sense of utter love and awe, my little knight in shining armor so bravely came into this world and quite literally broke me open. And as he lay upon my breast, those walls were effortlessly brought to the ground.
In this instance, I bow down in thanks to the holiness of destruction—a word that is horrifying, yet glorious. It’s incomprehensible, terrifying, exhilarating. It’s uncomfortable and violent. But sometimes, it’s what we need most for true change to take place.
My eyes and views have expanded beyond and I am happy to live in a mindset where I know so much and am humbled to be constantly learning, endlessly surprised. Being a Mother keeps me on my toes. Every time I think I have it figured out, it slaps me awake and forces me back to the starting line. I keep learning to surrender to a state of curiosity and assume absolutely nothing.
I no longer have time to mask myself for others or worry about people who don’t ‘get me.’
I no longer waste time doing things I don’t love or believe in with all my heart, in every part of my life.
I no longer worry about inconsequential things that use to bog me down.
I prioritize my child, my joy, my passions, my loved ones, my creativity, my community, and all the things that move the needle in my life and in the world.
This is not the way it is for everyone - we each have our own path - but for me, nothing could be more true. All those things I listed above have certainly been impacted, as I boldly navigate the balance of being a Mama and my music career, while living in multiple places. It is NOT easier. It’s goddamn impossible at times. But it’s the best time of my life and I am bursting at the seams with love, inspiration, possibility, and creativity.
Yes-I’m exhausted-but this love and chaos keeps my edges sharp. I think that’s showing up in the work I do - and I hope this opens up something in you as you listen to this special piece:
I hope ‘Holy Now’ lets you feel a part of this transformation too.
Listen Here // Watch Here
I love this moment in time and I treasure it beyond anything.
Thank you, Luka, for bringing me to my knees.
Such a beautiful song. Love it.